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Senior Golfer - On The Green

ON THE GREEN is courtesy of the Senior Connection Newspaper, visit their web site. The author is Jerry Koncel, a free-lance writer who lives in Schaumburg, IL.

Be thankful for golf's truisms

The Putting Green

They have been found on the Internet, in the conversations of golfers, and in local bars-they are golf truisims. If you have played golf for any amount of time, you probably have heard a ton of these words or phrases that only a true golfer can appreciate. I thought it would be worth a column to share some of these truisms with you.

Words of wisdom

  • Do not buy a putter until you have had a chance to throw it.
  • No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
  • A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
  • It is surprisingly easy to hole a 50 foot putt for a 10.
  • When it comes to your golf ball, hazards attract and fairways repel.
  • If there is a ball on the fringe of the green and one in the sandtrap, the one in the bunker is yours.
  • You can hit a two-acre fairway 10 percent of the time and a two-inch branch 90 percent of the time.
  • If there is a storm rolling in, you will be playing the game of your life.
  • If you want to break 90, try playing 16 holes instead of 18,
  • If you are running late, the tee times are on time.
  • If you are on time, the tee times are running late.

A golfer's beliefs

  • Golf is much more difficult than baseball. Why? In baseball, hitters do not have to play their foul balls, while in golf, it's just the opposite. In baseball, you get cheered when you hit one out of the park. In golf, you get a one-stroke penalty and have to hit another shot from the same spot. In baseball, you are considered good if you get a hit three times out of 10. In golf, this is considered a total failure.
  • It takes longer to become a good golfer than a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around in a golf cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs, and munch on chips when you are performing brain surgery.
  • When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, remember that you can use either one more club or two more golf balls.
  • Golf balls are like eggs: They are both white, sold by the dozen, and you need to purchase fresh ones each week.
  • Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he or she will inevitably follow it up with two double bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe. Similarly, the ball you spot in the rough from 40 yards away is not yours.
  • For those people who wonder: It is easier for golfers to get up at 6:00 a.m. to play golf than it at 10:00 a.m. to mow the grass. Similarly, it is amazing that a person who never helps out around the house will take the time to repair his ball marks on the green, replace his divots, and rake his sand traps.
  • Golfers never try to keep more than 300 swing thoughts in their mind during their swings. More often than not, one of those thoughts will occur in the backswing and prompt the player to reroute his swing and hit either a hook or a lice. And if you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at an earlier age.
  • When it comes to choosing golf partners, I have found that the better ones are those whose handicaps are slightly worse than yours…that's why I get so many calls to play with my friends.
  • Finally, a good drive, a good putt, or even a good score on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

Do not forget to say thanks to all those people who have made this golfing season so enjoyable for you, your family, your friends and your golfing buddies!

ON THE GREEN is courtesy of the Senior Connection Newspaper, visit their web site. The author is Jerry Koncel, a free-lance writer who lives in Schaumburg, IL.

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